T Minus 40: Goodbye

Maturity, step one: Don’t be so hard on yourself, learn to let it go.

I’m getting really tired of thinking about my birthday. I gave myself this assignment, this challenge to explore my thoughts, memories and feelings for these pre-40th forty days and I’m already sick of thinking about what 40 means to me. It means what it means, which is different every day (or hour, lately). So, screw it.

I’ve been on the fence about whether or not to throw a party, not because I want to hide in shame, but because I don’t want the responsibility. I’ve been slowly building a good guilt trip to lay on Yves in the hopes that he will handle all of the preparations. I think it’s working, but can control-freak me really lay back and let my husband handle all of the details for Aim-a-Palooza? (That’s just a working title I’m playing with).

I can’t help thinking of a song I wrote about two lifetimes ago that is sort of about today’s “screw it” attitude. If only I could really find the courage to “kiss it all goodbye” when it comes to self doubt. That’s one of those things I thought I would have conquered by this age. It’s cool, I’ve still got 27 days to go…

Goodbye

I was hoping for a Sunday afternoon

She was looking like she left the bar too soon

All of that’s inconsequential

She was walking like she couldn’t stand her shoes

I was wondering why I’m always so confused

All of that’s inconsequential

All of that’s inconsequential, today.

 

The sun still rises and the clouds still roll on by

Today’s the first day that I haven’t questioned why

The strings that held me up have all just come untied

Since I kissed it all Goodbye

 

I was dreaming of the covers on my bed

She just stood there while the yellow turned to red

All of that’s inconsequential

She was trying hard to whisper every word

So I pretended that I hadn’t overheard

All of that’s inconsequential

All of that’s inconsequential today

 

The sun still rises and the clouds still roll on by

Today’s the first day that I haven’t questioned why

The strings that held me up have all just come untied

Since I kissed it all Goodbye

 

I’m taking a long vacation

From all my deprivation

Engrave my invitation

I regret I won’t attend

 

The sun still rises and the clouds still roll on by

Today’s the first day that I haven’t questioned why

The strings that held me up have all just come untied

Since I kissed it all Goodbye

I kissed it all Goodbye

 

 

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